When "No" Isn't Respected: Recognize, Interrupt, and Prevent Rejection-Based Violence

• They won't stop messaging, calling, or contacting you after you've said no.
• They show up at your work, home, or events without being invited.
• They use guilt trips, gifts, or emotional manipulation to try and wear you down.
• They talk about you like you're owed to them: "I did everything for you," "You led me on."
• They try to isolate you from friends, family, or community.
• They escalate after being rejected. Stalking, threats, breaking in, or worse.

• Narcissistic entitlement: Believing they "deserve" a relationship, no matter what you want.
• Cognitive dissonance: Rejection challenges the fantasy they've built. Some react with violence to reassert control.
• Power + control > love: This isn't about romance. It's about domination.

• You feel anxious or unsafe around someone who keeps contacting you even after you've been clear.
• You're changing your routine, hiding your location, or avoiding certain places to stay safe.
• You second guess whether you were "clear enough" or "mean enough." (Spoiler: you were.)
• They make you feel responsible for their emotions or threats.
• You've said no, and they're still showing up, still texting, still trying to flip the script.

• Trust your gut. You don't need a bruise to know something is wrong.
• Tell someone you trust what's happening. Don't do this alone.
• Save messages, voicemails, screenshots; anything that documents the pattern.
• Adjust privacy settings and think about what you're sharing online.
• Make a plan: Know where you can go, who you can call, what feels safe.
• Use support resources (listed below).
• Don't blame yourself. You didn't cause this. You're allowed to be scared. You're allowed to leave.

• They suddenly stop going out, posting, or responding.
• They seem on edge, especially when a certain name comes up.
• You hear obsessive, bitter talk about someone who rejected them.
• They have a "friend" who's always around, even when not invited.
• You see stalking or control disguised as "romance" or "worry."

If a friend might be targeted:

• "You seem stressed when [Name] comes up. I'm here if you ever want to talk."
• Offer support without judgment or pressure.
• Respect their pace. Leaving or naming this stuff is hard.
• Stay consistent. Isolation makes everything worse.

If you witness harassment or stalking:

• Distract: Interrupt the situation. Start a conversation.
• Delegate: Get someone else involved if it's unsafe to act alone.
• Document: Record or note what's happening, if it's safe.
• Delay: Check in after. Ask if they're okay.
• Direct: Only if safe, speak up: "She said no. You need to back off."

It's not always strangers. It's not always creeps in alleys. Sometimes it's our people.

Holding your friends accountable isn't betrayal. It's harm reduction.

Say something.

• "Hey, I've noticed the way you talk about her makes me uncomfortable."
• "She said she's not interested. You need to respect that."
• "This is getting into obsession, not love. You gotta chill and let it go."
• "If someone kept messaging you after you said no, you'd be creeped out too."
• "Showing up uninvited isn't romantic, it's harassment."
• "You're not owed a relationship because you were 'nice.'"